one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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