Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
