he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize