do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
