this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize