I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
