Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We just shotgunned beers for America
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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