Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize