I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
