dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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