My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
