But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
