Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How does one acquire holy water?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
