its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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