This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
