it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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