why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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