i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
