Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
