yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
