just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i think i just lost a toe
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
