I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
