The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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