Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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