YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
