we're blogging at a bar
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
