my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
