hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
