What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
