I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
