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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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