We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
