Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
