quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize