a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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