Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
