Need sex. Gaining weight.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
