Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
