I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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