she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
