Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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