hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
