Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
