Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
