Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
