i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
