this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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