Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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