there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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