Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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