I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
