Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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