you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
