seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
