You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
