Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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