I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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