bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
