On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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