I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
