But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
