ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
