Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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