The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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