My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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