I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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