i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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