just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
