"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
