whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
