trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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