i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
