I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
