And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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