He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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