well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
