first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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