who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
