God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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