look no pants
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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