I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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