Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
