I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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