I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
