they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
