She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my poor anus
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
