Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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