who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
