That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
