He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
