Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
