you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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