so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize