your parents love me but you hate me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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