Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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