when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
