im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize