Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
