My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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