New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
