My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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