I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize