my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
