Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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