We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
