It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
