apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i need some magic done to my vagina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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