32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
