I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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