Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize