i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
