my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
