Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
