I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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