I love black thongs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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